My husband and I just began reading a book called “The Resolution.” He’s reading the one for men and I’m reading the one for women. Both of us has a set of resolutions in our books, resolving to be the man or woman God created us to be, resolving to be the Husband/Wife he would have us to be for each other, and resolving to be the Father/Mother he would have us to be for our children. I have to say, after reading the list of resolutions; it seems that this will be an exciting yet challenging journey.
Last night I read the first chapter towards…. resolving to be content. How much time do we waste shuffling through our life in a hurry to get to a better, more content place in life? What important things have we missed in the hurried shuffle? These are things that I was to ask myself after reading the first few pages. We only have one time to be where we are at each moment in our life. Once the moments pass us, we can’t get them back.
As I sit at home with my baby girl each day taking care of her and watching her grow and discovery new things, I sometimes start to think about all the things I missed out on during the years I spent living in abuse. It saddens me to know that with my older 3 daughters, much of their early years flew right past my eyes without me having the ability to enjoy them at each stage of their development. For one, I was a single mom well before I left the abusive relationship. When my 3rd daughter was born, her older sisters were only 16 months and 2 years old (almost 3). I was so tired from handling 3 tiny tots on my own. I didn’t have any help. I could not so much as go to the store without having to bring them all with me. In addition to that, I was so busy trying to survive, that I was unable to focus on my children. If you’ve ever been in an abusive relationship before, you’ll know that the abusive person is unlikely to share any of your attention with anyone else, including the children. So much of your energy and focus is put into pleasing him, making sure everything is just right so that you don’t “get it” if you fail. Trouble is….it doesn’t matter what you do, there will ALWAYS be something wrong. That’s the way domestic violence works…..it’s all about power and control. Don’t count on the fact that “one day” you will please him enough that your life will be normal. As you shuffle through each day walking on eggshells, you are going to miss out on moments that you will never get back…..ever. Sometimes, you may never even be given the opportunity to pick up where you left off. I missed out on the last few years of my Mother’s life because of this. She passed away at 48 years of age. In the moments that I needed to be there for her, I was unable to. In this life, there will never be a time that I can pick up where I left off with her. That time is gone.
Fortunately, I can make the best of the moments I have from now on. I am so blessed to have a husband who is loving, caring, and supportive. Each moment we have had together have been moments to cherish…even in the face of difficulty. We have strived to make our time purposeful with our children, trying hard not to allow life to become so crowded that we miss spending the time with them that they need. In this day in age, it’s hard to do, but we’ve had to ask ourselves what we can live with and what we can live without. If we are giving up time and energy over things that we can live without, it robs us of time and energy that we could be investing into our family. In the end, it’s not the things that we have that our children will remember, it will be the time we spent or didn’t spend together.
I pray that there will never again be a time in my life that I look back and become sad of all the moments I missed out on. God has entrusted to me a lot of responsibility with being a wife and mother of 4 little girls. That’s 5 lives he has entrusted to ME to nurture. It is an honor that he chose ME to care for such precious lives. He could have chosen someone else, but he didn’t. Without a doubt I need to enjoy each moment and be content where each moment lies, finding blessings even through the difficult moments instead of hurrying through. There will never again be a time when my children are the age they are now. There will never be another opportunity to gain back the time that I have with my husband today. It is my hope that I can make the most of every moment God allows me to have with them and to be the woman, wife, and mother that he created me to be.
Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 1Timothy 6:6-7
