Take Up Your Cross

 

My husband and I have been going through a new member’s class at our church. It’s been a great time for us to renew our understanding of the church. When you have been involved in church for so long, you can tend to lose focus. For us, this course has been a redirect, from the challenges of our life to the reason we are here in the first place. Today, during our study time we were reminded what it means to be a disciple and that we are called to go and make disciples. In the explanation of what it means to be a disciple, Matthew 16:24 was used:  ^‘Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”’

Immediately I asked myself, “What does it mean to take up your cross?”   Our teacher says, “Whatever it takes; whatever it takes to follow Him.” I couldn’t help but think of the simplicity of that statement, yet in my heart I know I’m not doing whatever it takes. Whatever it takes, would require me to answer in love when I want to express my anger. Whatever it takes would require me to give up my comfort for the comfort of someone else. Whatever it takes would require me to allow God to take vengeance and for me to bless those who curse me or doing good to those who hate me ( Romans 12:18, 1Peter 3:9). Whatever it takes means letting go of what I want and letting God teach me what He wants.  

Whatever it takes seems so simple, yet so difficult at the same time.  I wanted to learn more about what this means and how to apply it to my life. In my search, I came across the following statement, “The pain of the cross can bring healing to your life so that you can bring glory to God in ANY circumstance.” (McDowell, 2013).  Any circumstance??? Yes, any circumstance. “We know that ALL things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Does that mean God wants us to be hurt? Does that mean that God causes us to be hurt? No. It means that what the enemy meant for Evil, God meant for good. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Genesis 50:20). Everything that I went through during the 9 years of abuse I endured, was meant to harm me, to isolate me, to strip me of my confidence, to steal away any support I had, to cause fear. It took me 9 years to realize that God did not want me to endure the abuse. All I heard was “God hates divorce” when if you take time to read the entire verse that this comes from, it actually says, “I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore, keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate].” (Malachi 2:16).

God rescued me from the abuse. He brought people into my life that helped keep me and my children safe. He orchestrated every part of my rescue from beginning to end. I have no doubt about that. But he also took what was meant to hurt me and brought beauty from the ashes. Even at my lowest points God used each situation to reveal His Glory. My life was frightening, there were days I wondered if I’d die. Every day that I used Christ’s strength to get out of bed and live my life for Him, he showed me that he is my protector, my healer, my friend. My faith increased even in the little things that he did each day. Taking up your cross does not mean that God wants you to endure pain, but it does mean that he will bring healing to your life in a way that is complete and the kind of healing that only he can do, if you choose to pick up your cross and follow Him. The healing he brings may not match our idea of healing, but I promise you it will be much more amazing than what you asked for if you take the time to see it.

 When you pick up your cross every day, your faith is stretched to move beyond what you ever thought possible.” (McDowell, 2013).

“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him” (1 Corinthians 1:26-29)

References:

McDowell, C. (2013, September 20). What Does It Mean To Take Up Your Cross Daily? Retrieved August 20, 2017, from http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/what-does-it-mean-to-take-up-your-cross-daily/

When the Enemy Wins

 

 

When I was a little girl, I remember my parents singing a song in church that said, “I may lose a battle now and then, but I’ve already won the war.” If you are young, you probably won’t even know this song, and I’ve just revealed my age. If you’re older, the tune to this song probably just popped into your head. It’s one of the songs that I have remembered throughout my years. Some of us would do well to listen to the words of songs that were written generations before us (and all of God’s older children say “Amen”). Music style changes throughout life, but God’s word is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Rather than complaining about the music style, look at the words and let them speak to your heart. They are timeless treasures that have been given to us. Take a moment to read over the words of this song:

Verse:

This ol’ world’s a battlefield where we must fight each day

To overcome the evil one and send him on his way

 Like a man ‘or his Almighty God, and there’s no greater

 Near or far

 I may lose a battle now and then, but I’ve already won the war.

 

Verse:

When you’re afraid and all alone, and think that no one cares

When the daily task of getting by has caused you to despair

Just take God’s word into your heart and on His promise Stand

You know, you may lose a battle now and then, but the

victory’s in God’s hand.

 Bridge:

You can have this confidence that helps to see you through

If you’ll but give Him residence and let Him live inside of You

Verse:

He never promised that it’s easy, but salvation’s worth some Scars

I may lose a battle now and then…

Oh, but I’ve already won,

 And the victory’s mine,

I’ve already won the war

 

I’ll have to admit that when I started this blog 6 years ago, I didn’t get far before the enemy came in to discourage me; a battle that I lost and gave up.  There’s been so many lost opportunities that God could have used to speak to others, because day after day, I let the enemy win the “You’re not good enough” battle, rather than standing firm in my identity in Christ. But as long as we are still living, we have the opportunity to put on the armor and resist the devil (Ephesians 6:10).  It’s a choice that each of us have to make.

 Luke 9:23 says, “Then he said to them all, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.’”  

We can’t do that if we are too busy listening to the lies of the enemy. If you are losing that battle daily, and feeling defeated, then you need to look at the end of our story because that’s not how our story ends. It should motivate you to know that God’s already won the war, no matter what the enemy says. We have victory because of Him.  That’s reason to celebrate.

Stop giving the enemy the joy of seeing you discouraged. He sure can’t do anything about his future (or ours), but he will rob you of your happiness if you let him. He will also rob you of opportunities to be a blessing to others.  Thanks to the reminders from some of my fellow Christians, I will resist the enemy when he tries to discourage me from sharing my heart.  The Lord has given each of us talents to be used for His glory. Whatever talent He has given to you, stop letting the enemy discourage you from using it. Allow God to shine bright through you.

“Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. “  (1 Corinthians 15:57)

To God Be the Glory.....Great Things HE Has Done!

I never get tired of sharing the experiences in my life where God has done great things.  Not only is it a chance to testify to others of God’s unfailing mercy and grace, but it also serves as a reminder to me when I am in yet another trial, that he is always faithful.  God wants us to remember his good works.

In Joshua 4, God had twelve men, one from each tribe of Israel to build a memorial out of stones from the Jordan River.  The memorial was to serve as a permanent reminder of what God had done.

⁶ Let this be a sign among you, so that when your children ask later, saying, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ ⁷ then you shall say to them, ‘Because the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD; when it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off.’ So these stones shall become a memorial to the sons of Israel forever.”

I believe that God intended us to recall his work, whether we choose to make a physical reminder of it or we choose to tell of it. There are quite a few times in my life where God has done the unthinkable, reminding me that nothing is impossible through him.  Today, I will share one of those experiences.

6 months before I left my abusive marriage one of the most severe physical altercations took place.  The girls were sleeping, and I was in trouble over something that he had ordered me to do, that did not play out in the way he thought it should have.  He had been tearing into me verbally for quite some time, when I disappeared in a room on the other side of the house, in the dark with the door closed, crying in distress.  He came in, angry that I was crying and began yelling and spitting in my face. As he escalated in rage, he positioned his 250 lb body over top of me, grabbed my arms, and began beating my 105lb body into the floor.  While I had grown accustomed to his abusive episodes over the years, this particular night had escalated to far more than it ever had and I was sure I was going to either die or be put in the hospital with severe injuries.   In the midst of his fury, I managed to pull away enough to grab my cell phone and frantically began dialing 911, but he took my phone and threw it against the wall before I was able to press send. I was hopeless, I was scared, and I had absolutely no way of escaping. My dialing 911 only made him grow angrier and he pulled me up by my arms and began smashing my head into the dresser that was next to us.  When I began screaming as loud as I could to wake the girls up for help, he began suffocating me. I knew I was going to die.  It was about this time that something happened that perplexed me.  Just as I had accepted the fact that I would not make it through this situation, out of nowhere he grabbed his chest and fell onto the floor in pain and shortness of breath.  He kept repeating to me “You gave me a heart attack!”  I sat motionless for a few moments staring at him…..then I got up, walked out, and left him on the floor to reap the consequences of his actions.  I felt in a state of shock. I wasn’t sure what had just happened.   I went into my bathroom to gain composure. There were dark bruises in the shape of large fingers on each arm where he had been squeezing them, marks on my jaw line where he had covered my face, and on the back of my head I could feel bruises where my head had been hit continuously. I cannot begin to explain the emotions I had inside.  While I was filled with pain, I was also thankful that I had somehow been given a chance to walk away alive, though I couldn’t understand how.  As I began looking back on that evening, it grew clearer to me that God had acted on my behalf, in my weakness.  Like any father, intervening after watching his daughter suffer, it seemed to be an action that said, “THAT’S ENOUGH!” Had it not been for that, I doubt I would be here today speaking of it.  I am so thankful to him for saving my life that evening.  It’s one of those things I’ll never forget. 

I thank God every day for rescuing me from abuse.  Even more for doing in my life more than I could have ever imagined in my wildest dreams……for giving to me a husband who loves me like Jesus does.  I am so blessed! Imagine what it would look like, if we had a trophy for each time God worked for the good in our life.  What an awesome reminder it would be to us on a daily basis that God’s promises are true!

I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.  Psalm 118:17



This Too Shall Pass.....Don't Miss It!

My husband and I just began reading a book called “The Resolution.”  He’s reading the one for men and I’m reading the one for women.  Both of us has a set of resolutions in our books, resolving to be the man or woman God created us to be, resolving to be the Husband/Wife he would have us to be for each other, and resolving to be the Father/Mother he would have us to be for our children.  I have to say, after reading the list of resolutions; it seems that this will be an exciting yet challenging journey.

Last night I read the first chapter towards…. resolving to be content.  How much time do we waste shuffling through our life in a hurry to get to a better, more content place in life?  What important things have we missed in the hurried shuffle? These are things that I was to ask myself after reading the first few pages.   We only have one time to be where we are at each moment in our life. Once the moments pass us, we can’t get them back.

As I sit at home with my baby girl each day taking care of her and watching her grow and discovery new things, I sometimes start to think about all the things I missed out on during the years I spent living in abuse.  It saddens me to know that with my older 3 daughters, much of their early years flew right past my eyes without me having the ability to enjoy them at each stage of their development.   For one, I was a single mom well before I left the abusive relationship. When my 3^rd daughter was born, her older sisters were only 16 months and 2 years old (almost 3). I was so tired from handling 3 tiny tots on my own. I didn’t have any help. I could not so much as go to the store without having to bring them all with me.  In addition to that, I was so busy trying to survive, that I was unable to focus on my children. If you’ve ever been in an abusive relationship before, you’ll know that the abusive person is unlikely to share any of your attention with anyone else, including the children.  So much of your energy and focus is put into pleasing him, making sure everything is just right so that you don’t “get it” if you fail.  Trouble is….it doesn’t matter what you do, there will ALWAYS be something wrong. That’s the way domestic violence works…..it’s all about power and control.  Don’t count on the fact that “one day” you will please him enough that your life will be normal.  As you shuffle through each day walking on eggshells, you are going to miss out on moments that you will never get back…..ever.  Sometimes, you may never even be given the opportunity to pick up where you left off.  I missed out on the last few years of my Mother’s life because of this.  She passed away at 48 years of age. In the moments that I needed to be there for her, I was unable to.  In this life, there will never be a time that I can pick up where I left off with her. That time is gone.

Fortunately, I can make the best of the moments I have from now on.  I am so blessed to have a husband who is loving, caring, and supportive.  Each moment we have had together have been moments to cherish…even in the face of difficulty.  We have strived to make our time purposeful with our children, trying hard not to allow life to become so crowded that we miss spending the time with them that they need.  In this day in age, it’s hard to do, but we’ve had to ask ourselves what we can live with and what we can live without. If we are giving up time and energy over things that we can live without, it robs us of time and energy that we could be investing into our family.  In the end, it’s not the things that we have that our children will remember, it will be the time we spent or didn’t spend together. 

I pray that there will never again be a time in my life that I look back and become sad of all the moments I missed out on.  God has entrusted to me a lot of responsibility with being a wife and mother of 4 little girls.  That’s 5 lives he has entrusted to ME to nurture.  It is an honor that he chose ME to care for such precious lives. He could have chosen someone else, but he didn’t.  Without a doubt I need to enjoy each moment and be content where each moment lies, finding blessings even through the difficult moments instead of hurrying through.  There will never again be a time when my children are the age they are now.  There will never be another opportunity to gain back the time that I have with my husband today.  It is my hope that I can make the most of every moment God allows me to have with them and to be the woman, wife, and mother that he created me to be.

Godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.  1Timothy 6:6-7

Reflecting God's Strength Through the Storm

When I look back at my life over the past 15 years, I am amazed at how God has worked in it. When you are drowning in a sea of suffering, it’s hard to see that God is even there with you let alone that he’s pulling you out. It isn’t until you have come out of the water that you see he was right there with you the whole time. ….giving you the strength to endure while shielding you from things you weren’t even aware of.  In the midst of it all he not only pulls you to safety but brings something extraordinary out of the suffering you’ve endured, teaching you life lessons that can only be taught by him.

I wasn’t convinced that anything good would come out of my life or my situation as I walked out of an abusive marriage 6 years ago. I felt like a damaged product that had no good use anymore.  I had endured so much and had no physical or mental strength left in me the day I walked out. I was scared to death of what was going to happen when he found out I had left and taken the kids. I wasn’t even sure I’d live to see the results of my actions.  There was physically no way I could move on, and at best I just wanted to dig a whole and lay in it and die.  I was sure that God had given up on me.  After all, I had endured unthinkable things and if he had not given up on me, surely he would have rescued me long ago.  But what I saw as a bad ending to my life story was only the beginning of a much better story. The aftermath of leaving brought equally devastating challenges. In myself, I was so weak that I lay on a bench in the court room with no motivation to get up and fight. But I did get up and it wasn’t my strength that got me through.

 My mother had always driven into me from the time I was little, one particular scripture verse from the Bible. It says, “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13. As a child, I wasn’t able to grasp the depth of this verse, but today it holds deep meaning to me. Even though I wasn’t aware at the time where my strength was coming from, it wasn’t too long before I began to see that the only explanation for my ability to have walked through that darkness and come out in the light was for God to grant me his strength.  “He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless,” it says in Isaiah 40. Having been powerless in an abusive marriage, he gave me the strength to get up each day and live life for my children.  Having been weak, too weak to fight, he gave me the power to stand up and survive and to conquer the challenges that emerged (sometimes daily) on the long road to security. I am grateful that even when we doubt God, even when we question His ability, and even when we question His love for us, that He still holds us in his hands. 

Life is full of challenges.  God never promised that our lives would be free from suffering, but he did promise that he would be there to get us through.  You can bet that as sure as we have gotten through one challenge, another will appear in some way or another.  I can tell you this though, having had God teach me the lesson of trusting in him helps me remember that when I am in the middle of yet another trial, that he is there (even when it doesn’t feel like it) giving me the strength to get through it and that there is more to my life story than what I can see of the moment I am walking through.  

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:2