When I look back at my life over the past 15 years, I am amazed at how God has worked in it. When you are drowning in a sea of suffering, it’s hard to see that God is even there with you let alone that he’s pulling you out. It isn’t until you have come out of the water that you see he was right there with you the whole time. ….giving you the strength to endure while shielding you from things you weren’t even aware of. In the midst of it all he not only pulls you to safety but brings something extraordinary out of the suffering you’ve endured, teaching you life lessons that can only be taught by him.
I wasn’t convinced that anything good would come out of my life or my situation as I walked out of an abusive marriage 6 years ago. I felt like a damaged product that had no good use anymore. I had endured so much and had no physical or mental strength left in me the day I walked out. I was scared to death of what was going to happen when he found out I had left and taken the kids. I wasn’t even sure I’d live to see the results of my actions. There was physically no way I could move on, and at best I just wanted to dig a whole and lay in it and die. I was sure that God had given up on me. After all, I had endured unthinkable things and if he had not given up on me, surely he would have rescued me long ago. But what I saw as a bad ending to my life story was only the beginning of a much better story. The aftermath of leaving brought equally devastating challenges. In myself, I was so weak that I lay on a bench in the court room with no motivation to get up and fight. But I did get up and it wasn’t my strength that got me through.
My mother had always driven into me from the time I was little, one particular scripture verse from the Bible. It says, “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13. As a child, I wasn’t able to grasp the depth of this verse, but today it holds deep meaning to me. Even though I wasn’t aware at the time where my strength was coming from, it wasn’t too long before I began to see that the only explanation for my ability to have walked through that darkness and come out in the light was for God to grant me his strength. “He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless,” it says in Isaiah 40. Having been powerless in an abusive marriage, he gave me the strength to get up each day and live life for my children. Having been weak, too weak to fight, he gave me the power to stand up and survive and to conquer the challenges that emerged (sometimes daily) on the long road to security. I am grateful that even when we doubt God, even when we question His ability, and even when we question His love for us, that He still holds us in his hands.
Life is full of challenges. God never promised that our lives would be free from suffering, but he did promise that he would be there to get us through. You can bet that as sure as we have gotten through one challenge, another will appear in some way or another. I can tell you this though, having had God teach me the lesson of trusting in him helps me remember that when I am in the middle of yet another trial, that he is there (even when it doesn’t feel like it) giving me the strength to get through it and that there is more to my life story than what I can see of the moment I am walking through.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:2
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